PILOT ISSUE #1

(11/23/2024)

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PAGE 1NOISE POLLUTION
This project is mostly a personal log following my journey into the metal scene. I do not claim this to be a beacon of objective music journalism, but rather highly anecdotal and opinionated. Yet also doing my best to be informative, accurate, and kinda well-researched. Above all else, this is a documentation of the things I find interesting, and my evolving understanding of the scene, and the wider world. No association with other zines/projects.ABOUT THE MAKER:
[S]haun [E]
22, he/they, chinese-american, transfag, leftist
yolo/sac area grown, moved to SF for college in 2024
artist, writer, wannabe-filmmaker, hyperfixator, project-dictator, occasional headbangerDISCLAIMER:
Some may praise the metal genre for being “inclusive”, but this is not a safe space for everyone: IF YOU ARE A BIGOT or IDIOT or BIGIDIOT, I do not/will not cater to your ass. I’m a queer person of color, and I am not obligated to explain why racism/xenophobia/homophobia/transphobia is fucking moronic. If you “don’t like talking about politics”, that’s your luxury. My existence is political, therefore the way I interpret, consume, and create art is inherently political. If what I’m saying pisses you off, ok. If your pissed-offedness confuses you, and you wanna look inside yourself and figure it out, maybe we can talk. I’m not always right, and neither are you.TL;DR if you disagree with me, I can be open to conversations, but I don’t have to censor/alter this project to appease anyone but myself and cool likeminded people.

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PAGE 2Photos: (Left) DESK OF A HYPERFIXATED NERD, (Right) FAV DIY PINWHAT IS THIS?If this project continues, this is where I would talk about what has happened since the last issue, but obviously this is the pilot. So here I’ll explain what this is, and why I’m doing it.I like metal and I like zines. I’m still pretty new to metal, and want to learn more. I haven’t really made zines before, but want to start. I like talking about shit I find interesting, but in a format that is more creatively fulfilling than posting show vids on my instagram story.I’m also a big nerd for the Bay Area metal scene. If it wasn’t obvious, Metallica is my favorite band—and TBH, this project will probably also be 1/3 Metallica fanzine—so of course I got really invested in how they found their roots in the Bay. Since I just moved to SF at the peak of my venture into the scene, it’s been like the perfect opportunity to let my hyperfixation freak flag fly.So overall this is a way for me to word vomit about anything in the metal sphere: personal anecdotes, plans for shows I want to see, reflections on articles and info I find, reviews of albums/bands I’m picking up (or catching up with), my own art and photos, or features of others’ that I like. Who knows how far this will go, but I’m just gonna have fun with it, why the hell not?

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PAGE 3-4DOWN THE METAL PIPELINE: My Longwinded “How Did I Get Here?” StoryHow the hell did I get here? To keep the early days backstory short, I’ve been aware of metal approx. 2016/8th grade when I got into METALLICA (classic 14y/o’s first metal band lol). But, I didn’t really explore the genre beyond that at the time, and steered more towards classic rock for a good few years.I tuned back into metal in late 2022 because of…Stranger Things. BOO ME OR WHATEVER! If you don’t know: it’s a show set in the 80s, and featured a classic metalhead which got me revisiting my old playlist. DISCLAIMER: fuck the creators/particular genocidal state-supporting actors. No real hate to fans, and not gatekeeping if that’s how people got into the music! That being said—and this is a bit hypocritical—I stand by I was just a dormant metalhead in hibernation, and I have the middle school art to prove it (which I will not share to save some shred of dignity) ANYWAY…So my love for the genre was RE-ignited (especially Metallica). My first real taste of a metal show was actually in Shanghai (there for ex-college), with my best friend Jaidyn, at a small, smoky rock bar called Specters. I regret not going there more; current me would’ve thrived in that place, but me back in May 2023 was intimidated by the crowd. The band there played a few covers, including Chop Suey by SOAD which was a vibe. Don’t remember the band’s name, sorry to those guys!My RE-discovery of one of my fav bands growing up led to impulse purchasing Metallica weekend tix for LA in August 2023. I figured, hell they might stop touring after this, who knows? (hint, pg. 17) Nosebleed tix, $$$ merch, and losing my wallet chain to security: not as incredible. But the feeling of being in a stadium with 10s of thousands who share your love for this music, and seeing the guys whose music got you through some really hard fucking times? That was worth every dime. And trust it was a lot of dimes.Following Metallica, I went to Aftershock 2023 with my friends in October! More on pg. 5, but fav highlights were MEGADETH and KORN! This is a Megadeth-fan tolerant space (Dave-tolerant is a different question…), but Metallica is still #1 for me, sorry!Afterwards, I chilled out for a bit, but I think I had gotten my taste of the gateway drug. Especially at the Metallica show, I was so envious of the people in GA. [“yearn for the pit” lol] At the same time, I was (and still am) pretty socially anxious, and physically uncomfortable with putting myself out there, and into the pit (more on pg. 16)Late Oct 2023 I went to Austin, TX for a film fest. I stumbled into a bar called Valhalla on a suddenly freezing-cold evening, stuck around for the cheap drinks, and happened upon a metal/grindcore show. It took a couple drinks to beat my mild social anxiety, but I talked to a few people—including a guy with a RTL back patch on his vest—and even some of the band members. Shoutout to the cool people of IMMINENT END; if I’m ever back in Austin, I’ll have to link up with them again! Another milestone in my baby-steps into the scene: socialization (terrifying).It took a while to figure out how to find these local shows without just walking into random bars and hoping for good luck. Thankfully, someone put me on the @sacramentopunkshows instagram, and a whole new door opened.January 2024, I end up driving like an hour to Marysville after seeing the word “metal” on a flyer from the Sac shows account. Now it feels like a lifetime ago, but that show was really when shit got real. The place was packed, energy was fantastic, nice convos with strangers, the bands were great, and a “For Whom the Bell Tolls” cover to close out the night won me over. Woke up the next day sore, bruised, and neck cramped from headbanging. And I knew I had a new problem, because that’s when I started to chase that heavy metal high.I won’t list every single show I’ve been to since, but some highlights:

This is where I’ll wrap things up for now, and not just cause the word count is getting crazy. But also because a couple big changes happened after the Damage Inc. show, and what a finale of this first season of my metal scene journey. One (mildly) big move from Sac to SF, and one big life-changing surgery later, holy shit am I excited for this next chapter. It’s just a matter of finding my people, which kind of brings me to the birth of this project: I know y’all are out there, and here’s my way of saying “SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT, SF/BAY AREA THRASHERS!!!"

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PAGE 5POST JOLT!!Fresh off my first big metal concert, Metallica in LA, I splurged on tix for Aftershock (“post jolt” in our group chat) with a couple friends for Friday and Saturday.FRIDAY - 10/6/2024
Unfortunately, Thursday night we’d had a bday party, so 2 of my friends were crazy hungover and we missed the morning shows.We did make it in time for MEGADETH! Though they’re the band I was looking forward to most, I know ~5 Megadeth songs (I can do album reactions in the future!), but it was cool to see an iconic band in metal history playing live. The energy was a little lowkey, maybe cause of an older crowd, but I enjoyed “Peace Sells…” and “Symphony of Destruction” which were a given. Was kinda hoping for “À Tout le Monde”, but obviously that wasn’t likely.After Megadeth, we joined up with another hungover friend. LIMP BIZKIT were trolling as Nu Metal Cowboy, then we checked out DEAFHEAVEN and GODSMACK. I paid $17 for a tiny Jack and Coke, when will I learn to not buy drinks at Aftershock?? (hint: not this year either). An older white couple asked to take photos of my battle vest, even a panorama while I spun around awkwardly.Most of all, my friends wanted to see TOOL. I was tired and light-headed from the weed smoke in the air, so I spent most of the show with my eyes closed just vibing.SATURDAY - 10/7/2023
Next day we got there early afternoon. ITHACA was cool af, there was a girls-only circle pit, and the singer spoke up for trans rights, shout-out to them. AVATAR were fun, and I felt for them in suits and clown makeup in the Sacramento sun. ESCAPE THE FATE tried to do a wall of death, but no one partook since it’s banned at the festival iirc.Now BABYMETAL has lore: in middle school when I was early into metal, one of my teachers would play Babymetal songs to see my reaction. I’ll admit: I was a hater for likely misogynistic reasons, but they’re great for their niche! Not my vibe, but hating on principle is lame. I sat nearby when my back hurt, but my friend, Olivia, crowd surfed, and recorded a vid when she went up! We enjoyed later going back to our teacher to tell him about the show. Got a whiskey lemonade at the Metallica Blackened bar, which tasted great, and the bartender gave me free picks!We got food while a tik-tok popular band played nearby; insult to injury, they played their viral song RECORDING, didn’t even perform it live! I don’t wanna be an elitist, but that was lame as hell.Unfortunately, I left my friends a few times to sit since my back hurt like crazy. They got in the SLEEP TOKEN crowd, which were on a small stage despite being crazy popular. I was briefly with them at the barricades for POLYPHIA, who they were more hyped about than myself. On my own, I saw PARKWAY DRIVE, 311, and TURNSTILE, which were ok.But KORN is where shit got REAL. I knew like two Korn songs, but being in a pretty shit mood, I just found myself really getting into the vibe. There was a kid in a tree doing hair windmills, which has to be an Aftershock ritual; we all booed when security made them get down. During the encore, Korn broke out the bagpipes, iconic. Then, after dragging my friend—Olivia—closer to the stage—then immediately losing her—they started the double-bass kicks of their “One” cover, and I lost my shit (and my voice)! I wouldn’t call myself a huge Korn listener, but that show was super fun and made my Aftershock 2023 experience for sure.POST JOLT: THE SEQUEL
FRIDAY - 10/11/2024
Last year I had a big art gig, but 2024 I didn’t really have the budget for Aftershock again. I tried to get tix through giveaways and connections, but no luck. My friend who went 2023, Nico (words from him later!) had a 4-day pass, but I was on the fence, even though the lineup was WAY more up my alley: Judas Priest, Slipknot, Slayer, even Poppy and Tom Morello. Slipknot was the biggest one, as my friend, Evan (also at Aftershock 23), had introduced them to me and is a long-time listener himself.By the week of the fest, I realized my chances of free tix were out, so fuck it: I wanna see Slipknot live before they’re done. But tix were at their most expensive, so I went on a hunt for resellers. Despite its manyyyy flaws, gotta shout-out Reddit. I found someone selling 2 Friday passes, and in the Bay Area!!Evan, love you, but this mf had me stressed cause he wouldn’t reply to my texts. Literally had a deadline of Wednesday afternoon to get back to the seller, but finally this mf responded like an hour before the cutoff. I met with the reseller at a mall, and secured two bands for $150 each.I had class Friday morning, so I knew I was gonna miss the earlier bands, like Poppy. I like a few songs, but I was okay missing her. By the time we got to the festival, it was the third to last shows. I love System, but don’t know Daron’s band, so we decided to see EVANESCENCE. It’s not really my type of music, but Amy Lee’s voice was fucking fantastic. Afterwards, we met up with two other friends, Nico, and a friend I met at a show months ago, Ayden! I also got an overpriced shot of Jack to prepare for Slipknot, which did nothing. NOTE TO SELF: NEVER BUY DRINKS AT AFTERSHOCK AGAINWe waited at the stage for SLIPKNOT, and it quickly got PACKED. The crowd crush in the first 10 minutes was miserable, all the pushing and shoving, and I felt myself struggling to breathe at times. Unfortunately, Ayden dipped, for very valid reasons. It sucked ass.The crowd got crazy claustrophobic when the show started, but I just threw myself into headbanging ‘til I was lightheaded. Corey gave a disclaimer at the start: they were ONLY gonna play songs from 1999, and that meant it was gonna be a good fucking show. Personally, I theorized that lots of people left because they wouldn’t hear the newer hits, and the crowd crush eased as people started to trickle out.Compared to last year, I was less afraid of the crowd, so I kept trying to get closer to the stage and dragging my friends along. Even though I only knew a few songs at the time, I loved the ones I did know, and just had fun headbanging, and singing along to choruses I recognized like “Eyeless”.Now, one of Evan and I’s favorites is “Only One”. In Evan’s own words, he expected 0 chance of hearing it since it’s one of the less popular songs. It was also the song we figured would have the craziest pit. We made an agreement: if they play “Only One”, we’re getting in. But that’s not gonna happen, right?I can hardly describe the feeling when Corey said “Y’all want one more song? ONLY ONE?” The crowd started BOOING, idk if they didn’t know or were just playing along, but me and Evan LOCKED eye contact, like NO. FUCKING. WAY. I’m getting jittery just reminiscing on That Moment, it was SICK (sic).INSTANTLY, I grabbed Evan and he grabbed Nico, and we DOVE INTO THE FUCKING PIT. Holy shit it was easily one of my favorite moments of all time. I had to hold my glasses before they flew away, just thrown into the pure chaos and bouncing off everyone, fell down and got hoisted up by the vest. After a bit, I got out and caught a short video (and yes, I did make my friends help film a “I hope she plays HOT-TO-GO” video lol).I lost track of my friends after that pit, but I stuck near the front during the rest of the encore, where I happened to run into the drummer of a local band I’ve seen before (shoutout @jayceparabellum, good drummer). He offered to boost me for a crowd surf and I was like hell no. Also, sang along to “Spit It Out” with a random dude who filmed a selfie vid with me.Even though we saw less sets, the memories from this year were so worth it, especially the “Only One” pit, which was Evan’s FIRST ONE (cherry PIT popped!!). I’m just getting even more into Slipknot following the show, especially their first album which I loveeee (pg. 1), and definitely expect more thoughts about their music and Corey Taylor’s political outspokenness in the future.

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PAGE 6Now, I couldn't afford to go to more than one day, but my (employed) show bestie did...REPORTING FROM THE 2024 AFTERSHOCK PIT by NICOYo, I’m Nico, I’m a close high school friend and frequent concert accomplice of Shaun’s, and I’m about to drop the hottest recap of all four days at this year’s Aftershock 🤠HOW DID YOU GET INTO METAL?I didn’t get into metal until a year ago when I first heard about Aftershock 2023 from my coworkers and friends. I remember being intrigued by the lineup but still being unsure of whether I was going or not, but I ultimately ended up going on day 2 and day 3 with Shaun and some of our other friends, Evan, Steven, and Olivia. Ever since then, I’ve been gradually branching out to various bands and attending local shows with Shaun and friends, and now my main metal bands of choice are TOOL, KoRn, Metallica, Megadeth, and Sepultura.WHICH BANDS WERE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO THE MOST AT AFTERSHOCK 2024?This year, I was mostly looking forward to Slayer, Slipknot, Joey Valence & Brae, Anthrax, Iron Maiden, and Tom Morello.WHICH HEADLINER WAS YOUR FAVORITE? WHICH WAS YOUR LEAST?For my favorite headliner, it was a rather tough decision between Slayer and Slipknot, but I think Slipknot just slightly edges out Slayer because I got much closer to the stage than I did for Slayer, and therefore I feel like I got more involved with the crowd movements/environment. Also, seeing them with Shaun and our friend Evan made the experience much more personal for me.My least favorite headliner was easily Mötley Cruë. The music/performance itself was fine, but what tarnished the experience for me was how the band seemed to use objectifying women as a gimmick. For one, they had two female dancers on stage who were dancing rather seductively for most of the set, and while I didn’t have a huge issue with this, I wouldn’t say I enjoyed it, either. My main issue was when, in between songs, drummer Tommy Lee got on the mic and complained about how he hadn’t seen “one fuckin’ pair of fuckin’ titties yet.” Once that happened, I felt like I didn’t really belong there anymore and I eventually became more focused on using my phone’s camera to zoom in on clumps of glitched pixels that started appearing on the stage’s video boards.MOST MEMORABLE MOMENTS OF EACH DAY?DAY 1: THURSDAY 10/10/2024- The on-screen visuals for Till Lindemann’s set (my first set of the festival) rather shocking and a little hard to watch at times. One memorable example of this is when a close-up video of an anus very painfully slowly pooping out a capsule played near the end.
- I watched a shirtless guy headbanging in a tree during Pantera’s set. Also, despite not listening to Pantera, I still felt touched watching their memorial video for Dimebag and Vinnie Paul.
- By far the most memorable part of the night was Slayer’s set. After getting a decent spot for them by leaving Pantera’s set halfway through, Slayer began by playing a brief documentary-style video covering their backstory, history, and impact, which included short interview snippets from various musicians (e.g. Metallica’s Kirk Hammett) and clips of Slayer fans.
  Throughout the entire show, a circle pit to my left was gradually expanding. It had started out with no more than 10 people inside, but by the time the stage started raining fireworks during the opening riff of Raining Blood, it had morphed into something more than twice its size with an eye of people standing still in the center. I stared into it and thought “I’ve got to get inside this thing before it’s over,” so I pushed myself through and got inside while hastily pulling my phone out of my fanny pack to briefly record the chaos around me.
  Not even a minute later, my phone flies out of my hands as I get knocked off my feet and onto the dirt. As several people follow suit and I’m rushed to my feet by a flurry of arms, I see a brownish stain covering the right lens of my glasses as I scramble back inside to retrieve my phone. My immediate thought was, “Wow, someone must’ve spilled their coffee or beer on me!”
  I then realized, “Oh wait, this might be coming from ME,” so I held my phone camera up in selfie mode and, sure enough, my eyebrow was raining blood (ba dum tss). I was so high from adrenaline that I don’t recall feeling any pain in my eyebrow at the time, and all I could do was stand back and watch the rest of the set in awe with my mouth hanging open.DAY 2: FRIDAY 10/11/2024- Despite not getting as close to the stage as I’d hoped, jumping around to Joey Valence & Brae’s set was still very satisfying.
- Evanescence’s sound was much heavier than I was expecting, particularly Will Hunt’s thunderous drums. I’m also still quite impressed by Amy Lee’s vocals, especially with how on-point they sounded during Bring Me to Life.
- While waiting for Slipknot with Shaun and Evan (and getting swallowed by the massive crowd in the process), people were helping someone climb a nearby tree and singing Break Stuff by Limp Bizkit in unison as it belted out from the speakers during the waiting time.
- Before the first song even began, the crowd crush already reached the point where I had to keep both my arms locked in front of my chest to give myself the slightest bit of extra breathing room. By the time the first song was going, the crowd was in full force and I ended up very briefly but genuinely fearing for my safety. As the show went on, the three of us kept sinking further into the bowels of the crowd.
- While getting carried away recording Only One, I looked up and realized I had fallen behind Shaun and Evan, who had reached his arm out to me. With my phone still in hand, I grabbed onto his arm and, before I knew it, was flung into a ravaging pit with the both of them.
  Despite getting thrown inside with almost no warning, I somehow succeeded in staying on my feet while simultaneously pushing people with one arm and desperately putting my phone away with the other. As much as I wanted to stay inside, I regretfully had to leave as I couldn’t risk my then-fresh Slayer gash taking another hit.DAY 3: SATURDAY 10/12/2024- Not even three minutes after getting through security, I ran into my cousin Dave and his girlfriend Caroline without knowing they would be at the festival.
- I loved the overall energy of Body Count’s set (recommended by cousin Dave), though I did get a mini flashback when they opened with a cover of Raining Blood. I thought it was especially sweet when Ice-T introduced his young daughter to the stage and performed the next song while carrying her on his shoulders.
- Watching Judas Priest while eating a churro made me realize I’m missing out by not listening to them. I honestly don’t really have anything specific to say about the set, it was just a really solid experience overall, perhaps even more so than Iron Maiden
- While walking towards the Jack Daniel’s stage to get a good spot for Iron Maiden, my coworker Andre (who I happened to run into last year) came out of nowhere and scooped me in his arms.
- Bruce Dickinson saying “THAT’S a fucking gun!” and shooting an alien on stage with a giant turret during Iron Maiden’s set was rather entertainingDAY 4: FRIDAY 10/13/2024- Watching the members of Skillet get lifted by platforms extending from the stage floor was cool
- While standing back to eat some food, I got very jealous watching Shadows Fall’s set, especially when the lead singer kept saying “keep it coming!” as the crowd kept on surfing people to the stage. I also remember him jokingly daring a police officer who was watching from the nearby overpass to jump off and into the crowd.
- TOM MORELLO:
   - I had to cover my mouth and nose with my shirt due to the sheer amount of dust being kicked up by the massive circle pit in the center of the crowd.
   - Tom Morello’s playing style was unlike anything I’ve seen. At one point, he held his guitar up to pluck the strings with his mouth, revealing a sticker on the back of his guitar that read “CEASEFIRE”
   - Jumping around with my middle finger in the air while everyone yelled “Fuck you I won’t do what you tell me”
   - Being a part of the crowd bouncing after Tom repeatedly commanded “When the beat drops, jump the fuck up!” was cathartic
- During Flogging Molly, someone in a panda suit got surfed to the front of the stage and got handed a can of Guinness by the lead singerWE'VE TALKED ABOUT THIS BEFORE, BUT TELL READERS ABOUT "THE TRUMP MOMENT"...
While walking around before Body Count’s set, I came across Staind on the Shockwave stage. After two songs, frontman Aaron Lewis said “Fuck Joe Biden and Kamala Harris”, and I thought, “Alright, I can get behind that.” He then followed that up with “God bless Donald Trump and J.D. Vance,” at which point I immediately did a 180 and walked straight over to the DWP stage to wait for Body Count.THOUGHTS ON THE FESTIVAL OVERALL? GONNA GO NEXT YEAR?
Overall, I really enjoyed it. Getting there each day was a breeze thanks to their free bike valet service, and I was also surprised by how easy it was to get a decent spot in the crowd for certain acts, even when I would arrive 10 minutes before their set. Despite being unfamiliar with pretty much every act and getting there later than anticipated on each day, I still feel like I got my money’s worth. Just like this year, I can definitely see myself buying a 4-day pass before the lineup for next year even gets announced.

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PAGE 7Photos: (Top to Bottom) LIBRARY COPY I HAVE HOSTAGE (Murder in the Front Row); Danny (Shipman?) and Mr. White; Harald Oimoen serenading the chickenCORNERSTONE 11/2Anyone heard of Murder in the Front Row? If you haven’t, it’s a book and documentary created by two photographers Harald Oimoen and Brian Lew who photographed a lot of the thrash bands in the Bay Area during the 80s, including Metallica, Exodus, Slayer, Megadeth, etc. I haven’t watched the doc yet, but I picked up the book from a library recently and loved looking through so many photos, especially of Metallica in their early days. But I’ll talk about MITFR at a later time, this is just a preface.The week before 11/2 I saw the Instagram for MITFR post about a show celebrating the life of one Mike Wasco, who I believe was the roommate of Oimoen and familiar to many in the scene. I don’t have any personal connection to anyone from those days, but I decided to go check out the show, especially as I wondered if I might be able to run into the Metalliphotographer himself, Harald O. Hopped on the Bart, and headed out to Berkeley on my own with a battery pack and my small, plastic, point and shoot film camera.I got to the Cornerstone just as people were saying words about their passed friend. There was a sense of community and loss in the air, and I definitely felt a little like an intruder upon the scene. I also recognized the vocalist of Back Stabbath who I’d seen a few months ago in Sac, Tony I believe, who also had a few words of honor. The crowd would yell together, “WASCO!” and toast to him. Also an echo would follow anytime someone said “ever”, “EVER!”I saw Harald O on the side of the room, having seen his face on instagram before. However, I was on the fence about approaching to ask selfish questions about the old days when the whole event was to honor a fallen friend. So I decided to keep to myself.I did recognize a guy from a show at Thee Parkside I’d seen, and he had a fucking snake with him! Mr. White, an albino ball python. Danny, as I later learned from a different guy (more on that later), the snake-wearing human. I also found out that Danny (Shipman?) is a host of Reality Check TV, a broadcast show in the area with a pretty significant history and presence in the area. This was the first I’d heard of it, so I’ll have to check it out more myself.Getting into the show itself, I’m a little ashamed to say I didn’t recognize most of the songs they played besides “War Pigs” (Black Sabbath), and a “chicken pot pie” parody of Guns ‘N’ Roses “Live and Let Die” wherein Harald O wore a chicken outfit and serenaded a REAL CHICKEN. I was really feeling my age and my stranger status as I saw people embracing and singing along with every lyric. But the music was good, the performances were fun, and have to give props to the blonde British guitarist who was on the younger side, but giving pure 80s metalhead and some amazing solos. Sorry for the lack of good journalism, but I’ll have to find his name out at a different time.I’d pretty much decided that I wasn’t gonna say anything to Oimoen that day. He was clearly at the center of organizing the event, and I don’t wanna insert myself into the situation. I know I’m a newcomer, and I know there’s time and place. So by the time the music was wrapped, I headed out without sticking around for longer; also, the M line stops after midnight and it was getting close.

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PAGE 8Photos: (Top) AN OG BAY AREA "2ND WAVE" THRASHER; (Bottom) FLYER BY DNA LOUNGEA TRAIN RIDE DOWN MEMORY LANEI noticed a smattering of people I’d seen at the show heading for the station with me, including a guy with a vest and a Testament hat. As per usual, I was on the back and forth of approaching and saying something. I’m introverted, it’d been a long night, and my phone was dying. But I saw he had a Sepultura Roots back patch, and decided fuck it. As we transferred from the orange to yellow bart line, I followed the guy and asked, “yo can I take a photo of your vest?” (My friend Nico, see pg. 6, loves Roots). I made small talk about the recent Sepultura farewell tour at the Warfield that I ended up missing, and he was kinda questioning: is it really the same without the Cavalera brothers? We ended up talking the rest of the way back to SF.He told me about being an SF native, and was more part of the second wave of thrash, like Death Angel and Testament; I asked for Testament album recs but I can’t remember them for certain, that’s my bad. We also talked about old venues in the area, “Man, I miss The Stone”, and how the venues started to have conflicts with the scene and would shut down shows that got rowdy, especially as the bands would attract larger crowds than smaller venues would tolerate. He also told me stories about getting beat up by hardcore punks before thrash really blew up, since the punk shows were the only alternative shows to go to, and there were conflicts between the punks, skinheads, and metalheads that would turn physically violent. I was pretty speechless, it sounds like something from a movie to me, who has gone to a good amount of punk and metal shows, where the vibes are definitely more inclusive. The guy himself reflected how it was the governments/oppressors way of pitting people against each other so they wouldn’t focus on the real-world problems. I’d be curious to learn more about this, especially considering the super politically charged punk scene, versus the metal scene that perhaps isn’t as based around political activism.I asked some questions about how the scene has changed through time, and is there a comeback right now? He talked about how, following the historical 1990s Clash of the Titans tour with Megadeth, Slayer, Testament, and Suicidal Tendencies, he said the aftermath felt a little bit “like graduation.” Like, after such a significant accomplishment, it felt weird to go back to the small clubs. We also talked some about how the scene kind of changed as people started to mix genres on show lineups, like introducing death metal, then grind core, then grunge, etc. which would catch the attention of people and leave thrash behind through the 90s. But obviously, with social media, it’s not likely that a scene can grow in the way it did back in the 80s.Something else that really stood out to me was when he told me about “the first metal band in SF” which was called Stone Vengeance; I hadn’t heard of them before, and later discovered they started in 1978! He said they were from Hunter’s Point, and had black members, which was unexpected in the scene, and perhaps part of why they didn’t gain the same recognition as other Bay Area bands. He also told me to check out Overkill, also an older East Coast band from 1980.I did talk a bit about wanting to go to the Exodus/Havok and Death Angel shows later on. He told me a story about having a friend who was connected in some way to Death Angel, forgot the exact details, and going up to his room to find it covered with Death Angel photos. Also, the first show of the Filipino-American band being “half metalheads, half Filipinos” including family members of the bands, even grandparents, who had come to support the band. As an Asian American (more on that pg. 12), that kind of story is just so endearing and funny to imagine.I can’t remember everything the guy talked about, especially being on the loud ass Bart, but maybe I could get in contact to hear more anecdotes (he said he was part of the SF City College radio station back in the day I think? Pretty sick). He said he’d be at a 11/29 show at the DNA lounge, one of the few surviving venues from the older days 1985, so I might track him down there. Not gonna drop a name for privacy, but also don’t know if I totally caught the pronunciation since we introduced ourselves as I was leaving for the M, sorry dude!On the way home, I reflected that I am still really new to the scene and should definitely try to talk more to people. And not just talk, but rather listen to people’s stories. I have a pretty narrow perspective of the culture, being only 22 and not growing up around anyone from the old scene days, and there’s only so much I can get from reading books or wikipedia articles. The Bay Area Thrash era is really alluring to metalheads like myself, but I’m also finding like it wasn’t some shiny golden era that was deliberate and intentional, but really just a bunch of people passionate about the music finding a strong community.

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PAGE 9MY THOUGHTS ON THE ELECTIONpoliticians don't give a fuck about us either wayif your takeaway from the results are to dunk on your "political opponent", come on. we are not each others enemies. And that goes both ways. most of us have more in common with each other than the actual people that political parties care about. The right does not care for the working class, they work in support of the elite and capital. The democrat party has swung to the right, and showed their flaws in an ass campaign.
if your reaction is to be overwhelmed with fear, take a breath, it'll be alright. Liberalism is believing the "right" person in office will fix everything, but Kamala proved time and time again she doesn't give a fuck about listening to the people.And yeah, it's probably gonna be a rough time, but we've had worse times. Look at how far we've come through history, how our ancestors have prevailed.Now is not the time to think it's "the end", it's the beginning, regardless who is in office. The power of change is through the people, like Stonewall, and the anti-war movements of Vietnam. If you're upset by the results, do something with your anger, don't let it eat you alive. If you wanna end the genocide, join the movement. If you want the protection of LGBTQ+ rights, reject rainbow capitalism and make pride a protest again. If you hate the two party system, don't just sit out, you have the power to contribute to the next movement to fix this fucked up countryif not for us, for the future generations to come. Don't let apathy and cynicism drown out your wish for change. Don't let ego and team sports mentality allow your judgement to be clouded. Wake up, the system is rotted and working as intended.--democrats are fearmongerers just like the republicans, except republicans promise to do something about it and often follow through, and dems just want votes.mass deportations, abortion bans, anti trans bills, deregulation of corporations and education, seeming unending genocide and warAll that shit is bad, but what are you gonna do about it? If you found out your undocumented neighbors were under threat of deportation, are you gonna stand by and let it happen just cause the next president successfully had a months long dehumanisation campaign? If you saw your local elected official voting on an abortion bill or a lgbtq+ bill, and you're worried how they'd vote, are you just gonna accept that the person whose job is to answer to YOU will do whatever the fuck they want?
if you want the wars to end, but are worried your voice will never be heard, are you just gonna let it keep going on in silence or lend your voice to the roar of the anti-war beast that will not go ignored any longer?Relying solely on the president to solve everything is peak liberalism, and it's not the fucking solution. we saw it with Biden, we saw it with Kamala's hypocritical campaign. We saw it with Jill Stein's grifter ass. And we absolutely saw it with Trump's first administration.And if dictatorship and fascism is what we're afraid of, guess how the fuck fascism is defeated? Fighting back, not just tweeting about how joever it is. Get involved.We're not doing another four years of wallowing in "if only someone else won", they weren't gonna save us anyway.--there was probably a lot of repeated points in there, but I'm just doing what I can to reflect on my position, my own past beliefs in the flawed system, and my own liberal tendenciesI have been disillusioned to the two parties, and the upper levels of politics as a whole, but that does not mean I have given up. Because giving up for yourself means giving up on everyone else. And there are so many people that are gonna feel the worst things first, and its our job in places of privilege to not hyperfocus on how only we are affected.If you want to be part of the future where change is made for the better, you cannot sit on the side and wait for the benefits to just come in. America's good parts have been won through hardship and strength. Unions won the min. wage and weekends. Our poor, BIPOC, queer ancestors started the fight for our rights. Community and organization won civil rights.We are so distracted by the goodies of modern life, that we forget where we came from, and how we have received this benefits. Get your knowledge up, it's how we stop history from repeating.Disillusion is not what makes change, neither is cynicism. It's sacrifice, and discomfort, and choosing the harder path, but the right one.--but seriously like don't let this be the end of your political involvement. let it be your cause.and focus on wanting what's good for everyone, not just people who chose the same color as you. even if their political figureheads, or the loud minority, don't wish the same towards you, don't let yourself be clouded with disdain for ur fellow humans. when the capitalist serving pigs show just how little they care for the good of the people, they'll see for themselves.democracy is not team sports, nor is it a money game, however the American system has bastardized itself into both.so do not fall into the trap of ego or doomerism. trace the money back, question the why and where, realize the "enemy" is the ruling class, listen and connect with each other beyond the divides they'll try to force between usok enough manifesto shit lolMY THOUGHTS ON THE ELECTION, 11/6 12:30-1:30AM, POSTED TO @NOTAMUTEMAIN

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PAGE 10THAT ONE METALHEAD THAT'S TOO WOKE...There’s a problem within the metal community. Fascism is on the rise, white supremacy is rampant, and sorry to say, there is a little too much acceptance and tolerance in metal for that kind of shit.Before anyone starts foaming at the mouth just thinking of the word “woke” “cancel culture” “libtard” “snowflake” “DEI” “gay” “commie” whatever, chill buddy. Just, hear me out first.When I was a teen, I certainly found myself believing “this celeb/musician said/did this problematic thing, they must be a terrible person”. Growing up in the age of the internet, I was drawn to a lot of online communities, and the algorithm feeds off reactions. I’m sure there’s studies somewhere, but this socialization through the internet certainly has had a profound impact on my perspectives. And it takes a lot to unlearn these kinds of habits and perspectives.Metallica is my favorite band of all time, and James Hetfield used to make the crowd chant “FAG” in a lineup of different swears. Was this homophobic? Yes. Do I think he’s homophobic? No. Do I think it’s cringe? Yes. Is there still a problem with this type of casual use of homophobia in the metal community? Most certainly. But that’ll be for another time. Am I gonna throw away my ever-growing collection of Metallica merch/music because of this? No, of course not, I still love the music. Would I have considered it when if I knew this when I was like 14 and eager to stand against all forms of queerphobia? It’s pretty likely. Would this have cured the world of homophobia? Not even close.My point is that “cancelling” is a) ineffective, and b) doesn’t do anything to address the root of the problem. But, in our ever-reactionary and online scene, it’s hard to actually make a point when everyone wants to yell at each other and win the debate. The scolding liberal wants to show off their “inclusivity” and rejection of “problematic” behavior, and the ignorant conservative wants to feel empowered by belittling and “triggering” the “weak snowflakes”.There’s another thought I used to hold, which is very relevant post 2024-election: “How can anyone support Trump, who’s a misogynistic, racist, xenophobic fascist? Anyone who does must be a terrible person.”Real world example: I met a metal musician, and hoped I had found a new friend. I liked their band’s music and vibe, and had even (mis)interpreted the lyrics of their songs to be about frustration with the system and support for left-leaning beliefs. When I saw they expressed support for Trump, I immediately chose to completely reject and discount them because I couldn’t fathom how anyone could look past Trump’s bigotry without being a bigot themselves, or at least really ignorant and dumb.Whenever I talked about this with other leftists in the metal/alt scene, I heard similar reactions of shock. The anti-authoritarian roots of subcultures like punk, goth, and metal should be completely in opposition to the Republican party’s values, right? Turns out, especially with metal, it’s a little more complicated than that.I read a FANTASTIC article that I will have to do a deeper dive on at a later time, written by R.M. Termin titled “Rock Against Anything: How Metal Became So Fucking Reactionary and What to Do About It”. In it, Termin perfectly deconstructs how metal’s golden era was fueled by shock value that would scare the “normies”, who, at the time, were the white-Christian bourgeoisie. As the status quo of American society got more neoliberal, tolerant, secular, and accepting, where does the reactionary and frustrated metalhead go?Something interesting among the politics of metal is there is more criticism of the two-party system, and a lot of anger about political corruption, but not as much introspection on how to combat the system. Many bands like Slipknot, Havok, Warbringer, etc. have criticized American politics—even Metallica in the And Justice For All… era—and many musicians have been critical of Donald Trump and the rise of reactionary conservatism. While respected bands like Sepultura, System of a Down, and Rage Against the Machine have songs that still remain relevant in their analysis of political corruption, systemic issues, and criticisms of authoritarian right-wing governments, the metal community of the current day perhaps don’t internalize their messages (see: Republicans being shocked RATM was explicitly anti-fascists like Trump, not about rebelling against their parents).Class-consciousness is another element of music that has been lost in the dominance of neoliberalism and Red Scare propaganda that stamped out leftist movements. As Termin says: “If metal is to rid itself of its fascist disease, it needs to become class-conscious again, both in lyrics and attitude.”The enemy is not the gays, the transgenders, or the immigrants. Nor is it the people of color now present in your media, workplace, or schools that used to be excluded, sidelined, or completely erased. It’s not the leftists, progressives, or socialists either, who have never had real influential power in American politics. The feminist or the antifa leftist punk that discounts any Republican voter as a bigoted fascist may be a little over-zealous in their expression of frustration, but they aren’t the enemy either.The root cause of the average American’s problems, like job insecurity, cost of living, poverty, sickness, mental health problems, addiction, etc. are the symptoms of CAPITALISM. This is why culture war has replaced class war, as the real enemy—the capitalist owners, the CEOs, the billionaires, the 1%—can turn us against each other as they rob our pockets blind.The solution isn’t Donald Trump, a man surrounded by billionaires and corporate interests, as well as religious fundamentalists who seek to enforce fascistic ideologies. But the Democrat party showed that they are a piss-poor and incompetent solution as well, bought and paid for by corporations and out-of-touch elitists. We need to seriously talk about making the politicians work for the PEOPLE, not the corporate benefactors. And that’s through grass-roots campaigns, like with Bernie Sanders, that focus on working-class issues. But how do you get others to understand this?If I were to go back in time, upon learning that a fellow metalhead was a Trump supporter, I would want to do better about withholding my snap judgement and really understand why they believe the GOP has their self-interests in mind at all. I still have reactionary tendencies, but that is something I think must be self-acknowledged, and fought against if any of us are to really come together. This isn’t to say you have to tolerate anybody uplifting Trump’s fascistic views, but recognize that there are many that have been convinced by Trump’s populist campaign due to their material conditions that have been formed by the capitalist oligopoly we live in.The greatest defense against fascism is community. Metal is a large subculture with a SENSE of community, but perhaps there needs to be a little more digging deep to try and extract some of the remaining poisons of the reactionary attitudes in the scene. This doesn’t mean avoiding politics at all costs, and turning a blind eye to white-supremacist or fascistic sentiments in the scene, but rather to be even louder and more outspoken against all forms of bigotry and the rising authoritarian forces in the current state of our capitalist society.I want to explore more anti-fascist, left-leaning bands. The most outspoken that I know of are SEPULTURA (and the Cavalera’s later projects by extension), SYSTEM OF A DOWN, RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE, and SLIPKNOT (kind of?). HAVOK has some…interesting but certainly blunt political perspectives (love “Hang ‘Em High”, pg. 1; “F.P.C.”…will have more thoughts on that), WARBRINGER similarly being anti-war and the singer, John Kevill being critical of our essentially one-party system (lol he’s all over leftist reddit, love to see it; update, after going down a rabbithole on his account, he’s a self-identified leftist/socialist LMAO slay). All that to say, I know there’s more out there, and I’m sure a plethora of underground bands, so if anybody has recs, let me know!

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PAGE 11Photo: "THE HUNTER" posted on @notamutemain, 9/27/24CLIFF BURTON — MOURNING A MEMORY(Quotes from “A Conversation with Kirk Hammett” from Orion: A Tribute to Cliff Burton, September 2024)It’s always strange when you feel a sense of loss over a person you never knew, never met, and weren’t even alive during the same time as. I can name at least two people that come to my mind: 1) Freddie Mercury, 2) Cliff Burton.Cliff Burton joined Metallica as their bassist in 1982. I won’t give a detailed biography, but Cliff was a powerful influence in the band’s musical development in their early days, and quickly became forever cemented as a metal legend. Tragically, Cliff passed away September 27, 1986 in a bus crash while the band was touring in Sweden. He was 24.As said before, it’s strange to feel a sense of nostalgia for a time, and a person, that existed more than 16 years before I was even born. But there’s so many stories, photos, and videos that have painted a picture of who Cliff Burton was, and all the unique qualities that made him stand out. In an interview with Kirk about Cliff for the tribute exhibit on the anniversary of his passing, a really poignant quote stuck out to me: “He was his own person.”I had stumbled upon this interview from a clip on Instagram a while back. “He definitely was an intellectual,” Kirk describes of Cliff, “You know, and he was a liberal. He was the one that turned me on to liberal thinking, believe it or not. He used to read this magazine called The Progressive, a super super left-leaning magazine. And he believed wholeheartedly in that kind of stuff.” Kirk goes on to tell a story of first meeting Cliff in ‘83 when he joined the band, who became outraged at a casual (implied) racist comment made by one of their friends. Kirk: “He was not into racism at all…And it was a real display of fucking integrity and humanity from the very outgo.”This was the first I’d heard of Cliff’s political views, and this outspoken-ness described by Kirk seemed so in contrast with the band’s own dodgy legacy later in their career (more thoughts on that another time). After seeing this clip, I looked up this magazine, and was surprised to find a left-leaning publication dating back to 1909! Covering topics including corporate corruption, prison reform, feminist and gay liberation, environmental/nuclear weapon-critical concerns, civil rights/social justice and racial equality.To know that Cliff was tuned in to these topics at a young age (similar to myself now) just added more to my endlessly growing respect for his character. “He was very compassionate and saw through all that shit, saw through everything,” Kirk further reminisces, “He liked to call out hypocrites….He was like one of those people who just liked to out people who were just, like, being so obviously idiots, you know?”We live in a time of constant hyper-reactionary culture wars, and a brigade of contrarianism and apathy towards the struggles of others. To me, being counterculture/anti-authoritarian is completely at odds with upholding conservative/traditional beliefs, and yet so many in the metal scene will look at neoliberalism and surface level identity politics, and, in an attempt to be “edgy”, will side with the longtime oppressors that serve only the 1%, and uphold patriarchal, white supremacist/colonizer structures. I look at this, and can’t help but feel like there is a whole lot of hypocrisy going on, but also a lot of misunderstanding and misdirection of blame for the terrible conditions in all of our lives under capitalism.I am both saddened, and find solace in knowing that Cliff may have gone on to become a figure of massive integrity and influence, both in music and politics. There may have only been one Cliff Burton, but maybe there will be more people in the present and future who conduct themselves in similar ways. And for myself, I’m going to look to Cliff’s character as a model of strong morals, and know that you can be a brutal metal machine without looking down on your fellow humans, and to find strength in compassion, and stand steadfast in your beliefs.My thoughts are pretty much summarized in Kirk’s own words later in the interview: “He was definitely an anchor. And you know, that’s why it hurt so much when he left. ‘Cause he was just a great person who had shown so much promise. You know, and it just got cut short.”

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PAGE 12AAPI IN METAL — KIRK HAMMETTNote: this was written for a class assignment which is why there might be a more rigid or academic structure or whatever, but I felt like including this anyway.nMetallica is one of the greatest metal/rock bands of all time (Forbes), and their lead guitarist since 1983 is Kirk Hammett, a San-Francisco born, self-described “’mistiso’ [meaning] part-Filipino”. Hammett’s contributions to the genre have been undeniable, however things get a little less clear when it comes to Asian American recognition and presence within the scene and culture as a whole.Metal’s birthplace is attributed to Britain, and perhaps due to it’s European origins, the genre is largely considered to be white-dominated, among fans and bands alike. In America, there are certainly BIPOC and AAPI figures in the scene, but it is a pretty small minority. Yet, an Asian American is the lead guitarist of the most famous metal band. What I found interesting though, is Kirk Hammett pretty rarely talks about his Filipino identity. There is a page on FilipinoAmericanMusic.com that cites Hammett as being proud about his heritage. However, there’s only a handful of interviews I could find where he discusses his experience being Asian American. Clearly, Hammett has not actively hidden his ethnicity/heritage, but perhaps there have been aspects of the titanic success of the band due to his less outspoken track record. Despite Metallica being the closest to household name a metal band could get, most casual listeners probably don’t know much about the members. I also found a Daily Trojan article by “just another white guy” who had assumed Metallica was an all-white “boy band” like many others in the genre, and theorizes that Hammett may have kept his identity on the downlow due to racism in the music industry. Yet, despite having a white-majority, it’s hard to say if the subculture is entirely more racist and intolerant than others (not to say there isn’t bigotry within the community, which is it’s own problem).An interesting thing to consider when it comes to metal: there is arguably less focus on the appearance of the band members, and more focus on their musical skill (this does not extend to women who still face typical misogynistic expectations of beauty). Metal album covers are almost exclusively artwork instead of photos of the musicians, thus presenting at the forefront the visuals of the genre/music instead of the figures behind the scenes. Metal also started in the underground with less executive crafted images, with only a few bands that would reach mainstream popularity. The most visually recognizable member would likely be the frontman/vocalist (James Hetfield in the case of Metallica, who is a VERY white American). This makes me wonder if Kirk Hammett, or other BIPOC musicians in the scene, had been more upfront and outspoken about their “non-whiteness”, would it have made it harder for them to reach the type of success that Metallica was able to achieve? Furthermore, is it less likely for bands with BIPOC frontmen, like that of Death Angel (Mark Osegueda, Fil-Am/Latino) or Trivium (Matt Heafy, Japanese American), to gain the same type of success as the bands with white frontmen?Something that plays at the forefront of my mind existing as an Asian American in the metal scene is where are the other Asian Americans in the metal scene? Even though there are some great AAPIs in the history of the scene, to me it seems very rarely are we in leading positions, or made a central focus of the band’s musical or political identity. Also not taking into account Asian-continent bands, though there were pretty strong scenes in Japan and others, but none grew to the level of influence like American or British bands. I didn’t even know about Death Angel until recently, and was pleasantly surprised to learn the founding members were Asian American. Funny enough, I ended up talking with an SF native who was around in the Bay Area thrash days, who told me one of the first Death Angel shows was, in his words, “half metalheads, half Filipinos” from the community there to support the band, including the elderly Asian grandparents.But most times, when I go to a metal show, I’ll see maybe one or two other Asian people in the crowd. When I’m around other Asian Americans, I feel like one of, if not the only one that is visibly identifiable as a member of the metal subculture. Perhaps it’s due to the white-dominance in the scene that makes it less likely for AAPI or BIPOC in general to feel welcome in the scene, or perhaps it is the focus on musical product rather than visual appearance of band members that creates less focus, positive or negative, on AAPI representation. I think Kirk Hammett has been an incredible influence for metalheads globally, and for us AAPI metalheads, it’s amazing to see one of us at the top. Though “see” may be a strong word, especially in a genre where the music can be consumed almost completely isolated from the appearance/origin of the band.

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PAGE 13Photo: first new patch in a while, and free pin from AGGRAVATED ASSAULTI’M SORRY SF, I WAS UNFAMILIAR WITH YOUR GAMEThis is a formal apology letter to the Bay Area. I was spoiled by the @sacramentopunkshows instagram run by Lee Osh (shoutout) as my convenient and reliable source for finding shows. Upon moving to SF, I was having a harder time finding shows. I had also heard the SF scene was not as lively as Sac, and most shows were punk/hardcore (no hate, just more of a metalhead music-wise). In my hubris, I walked around saying stuff like “Ah man, the scene here feels dead!” For this, I apologize.I found The List, run by a dude named Steve Koepke since the 90’s listing shows in the Bay Area. As far as I understand, there isn’t an insta account posting updates from The List, though there are various websites where it can be viewed, as well as an email newsletter. I also keep an eye on @sanfranciscobayareametal and @sanfranciscobayareapunk as well as @bayareashows. If there are other ways that people find shows, especially metal shows, I would love to know.Now that I have admitted being wrong in this sense, I’m more careful to make assumptions. However, it does feel like, with the size of the Bay, it’s harder for shows to be centralized and more regularly reachable. For example, in Sacramento I had a car, and would drive out to the Cafe with my friends pretty often, or other venues in the area. But in SF, I don’t drive, and train rides to the downtown area are like 40 min, an hour going out to the East Bay. I would have to hear more from others, but I wonder what the relationship is between transportability and scene building.That being said, here’s a section about the shows I HAVE attended in the Bay as of this issue:

The biggest hurdle is definitely traveling, but as I’ve gotten more comfortable with Bart, I find that going to the East Bay for shows isn’t too bad. Shows here I think are on average a little pricier than the ones in Sac, but I suppose that’s expected from city costs. I’ll try to stop putting my foot in my mouth and just try and listen and learn more about the scene before making more sweeping generalizations.

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PAGE 14Photos: (Top) San Jose death metal band, MORTAL @ High Voltage Punk Shop (SJ), 10/20/24; (Bottom) free stickers from MORTAL and PISS BAPTISM, added to my growing collection (9/28)BLAST TO THE PAST? EASIER SAID THAN DONEOne of my zine plans was to go on a walking tour of Metallica history in SF/the Bay, and write about the past locations vs. their present. Unfortunately, almost every venue that the band played in their early days seems to be gone now.There may be some that I’m unaware of, but the most popular that I could find online are The Stone on Broadway, and The Old Waldorf on Battery St. There’s also a few places in the East Bay like Keystone and Ruthie’s Inn (Berkeley), and The Omni (Oakland). DNA Lounge (SF) seems to be one of the few remaining from the 80s (1985 to be exact), at least according to the guy I met at the Cornerstone show (pg. 8).There are also the larger historical venues that are still around, like The Warfield, The Fillmore, and Civic Center, but I’m mostly looking for those smaller clubs/bars that saw the moshers of the 80s. Are there more that I’m unaware of? Any that are still centers of metal mania? Let me know which places I should check out, historical or current.

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PAGE 15Photos: * I made a whole comic about the process of finally pursuing top surgery, called “DEEP CUTS”, which you can find posted on @notamutemain.THE BIG CHOPThis is a bit more personal, but clearly I like to hear (read) myself talk (write), so here this is.I started to hate the way my body betrayed me at around 14. I started binding my chest, and dressing exclusively masculine, the typical flannel, jeans, and band shirt uniform that a guy with a Supernatural tattoo obviously wore (iykyk). I started using they/them pronouns in high school, identifying as non-binary, though masculine presenting. But my gender dysphoria was severe.Things kind of came to a head in college, and I got in contact with a gender specialist and got on HRT (hormone replacement therapy). Just over three years have passed since that first day, November 17, 2021, and I see now more than ever how much of my life has improved since. That was when I finally started to really feel like me.While a lot of my life drastically improved after HRT, there’s only so much testosterone can do when you’re already 19 and going. During a gap year, I finally was able to pursue top surgery*, and successfully did it August 19, 2024.Now just over three months post-op, this feels like another marker in my life that is such a huge milestone, I’ll have forgotten what living was like before this time. A massive weight has been lifted from my chest (literally), and truly one less thing to hold me down in my day to day life.Uh, how does this relate to metal? Well I’m glad you asked. I mentioned pg. 3 I got into rock/metal in middle school, around the time my dysphoria started acting up, and turned to heavier music to block out the world. METALLICA, of course, and I still wear my AJFA and MOP shirts from middle school. Also lots of classic rock, AC/DC, Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, the usual suspects. It was kind of a way of affirming a masculine identity through male-centric music.As you can imagine, I was EXTREMELY uncomfortable with my appearance, especially anything that would be seen as feminine. I chopped off my hair in eighth grade, but a few months after starting T, I decided to stop cutting it.Getting back into metal as my transition progressed was really interesting. The culture kinda has its own gender norms, where long hair for men is very commonplace. I’ll have to write more on the cultural significance of the long luscious locks of headbanger hair, but that’ll be another time.But, this brings me to ask: where are the trans guys in metal?I think it’s fair to say that metal is often inspired by and attractive to the frustrations of young men experiencing ostracization and insecurity; you can see how that would be relatable to queer people, especially trans guys.There are certainly some of us out there—there’s even a subreddit r/MetalheadTransMen with almost 1k members—but the visibility is scarce. Metal is a male-dominated genre, and cisgender-dominated by overwhelming majorities. What few trans metal musicians I could find, all were transgender women¹. LGBTQ+ musicians are already pretty few and far between (praise the gay metal god, Rob Halford), and trans/non-binary figures even less so.“SELF MADE” (below), 6x8in, intaglio dry point etching — The first of an art series I have planned, depicting the contrast of masculinity and vulnerability in the metal subculture. The transmasculine form, with top surgery scars and a phalloplasty thigh graft, decorated with heavy tattoos, and displayed in the post-shower nude. (Will post in full on @noisepollutionzine)1 — McCoy, Jackson. “Metal Mondays: Transgender Artists Shape Metal Music History.” The Post, 22 Apr. 2024, www.thepostathens.com/article/2024/04/metal-life-of-agony-lgbtqia#

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PAGE 16Photos: ME WEARING MY SHIRTS!TAPE TRADEWhen I started going to metal shows, something that did hold me back was the lack of physicality I could engage in. Binding was not great in the long term. I had constant back pain, sometimes a hard time breathing, and god forbid I had to do any running. During my first pit (pg. 4), I quickly ran out of breath because I was sprinting with a constricting binder, but the power of “Creeping Death” had compelled me.For my binding guys out there, I highly recommend swapping to tape. That shit changed my life pre-op (though disclaimer may not be good for sensitive skin). I found it as an amazing alternative, like I could actually breathe, and able to be more active like moshing at shows without worrying about pain.Not paid to say this, but I always bought from TransTape, which I will preach to everyone. I am, however, PARTNERED because they asked to collaborate with me on 2 ORIGINAL SHIRT DESIGNS. Available for purchase until Jan 31, with a commission going towards myself with each purchase! (I’ll have my affiliate link in my bio/online, and also a 10% discount with code: NOTAMUTEMAIN)More details are on @notamutemain, but here I can add exclusive info that I snuck in a couple METALLICA references in my designs. On “SELF MADE MAN” (below) (yes, I reused the title, sue me!), I snatched the collage letters from a vintage Metallica show flyer. Also, used a photo of young James Hetfield in my masculine mood board (please don’t sue me!)As for the promo (right), this photo of the band was perfect, with Lars and Jason as the lovely models of the product. Lars is wearing “(P)RIDE” in white, and Jason has “SELF MADE MAN” in black.

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PAGE 17(flyers from instagram/sites) Photos: (@fatale510), (DNA lounge), (Exodus), (Deathangel), (@mourninghigh)EYES ON SHOWSTensions are high right now, and the stress is probably just gonna get worse. The time for small venues and crazy moshpits is now more than ever. Here are the shows I’ve had on my radar in the coming weeks:GIVE BACK FEST ‘24 — NOV 22/23, (OAKLAND)
I’ve seen RATFUCK (cool punks) twice now, and MORTAL (death metal, pg. 13), so this combo along with a lot of Bay Area punk/metal bands was a welcome surprise. Looks like a 2-day charity fest, and recommending donations. Ratfuck and Mortal are day 2, but we’ll see if I end up going to both days!MASSACRE, PESSIMIST — NOV 29, DNA LOUNGE
This show was recommended by the guy at the Cornerstone show (pg. 8), and idk the bands, but the venue is historic too (pg. 14)? It is $30, so I’m not totally sure if I’ll go for bands I don’t know. Will update.EXODUS, HAVOK, etc. — DEC 6, THE UC THEATRE (BERKELEY)
Now Exodus is THEE Bay Area thrash band, so I feel like it’d be an insult not to venture out to the show. I’ve been testing the waters on Havok (pg. 1), and looking forward to seeing the live experience. Plans to listen to more of both their discographies before the show, which I may write about in a following issue :)DEATH ANGEL XMAS — DEC 13/14, (SF)
Another band I need to catch up on, but as they’re of the Bay Area 2nd wave of thrash legacy, I feel like I have to see them at least once. Like Exodus and Havok, I’ll probably write something about a future deep dive before the show. Not sure which day to see, if I only choose one.MOURNING HIGH — DEC 27, (OAKLAND)
You may have seen these guys around on TikTok/instagram making memes about being a metal band. I enjoy some of their songs, and I’m interested to see what their shows would be like IRL. Will see if I make a new issue of the zine before this show, which would give me something to write about for a third release (if it gets there)!I AM ALSO OF COURSE BIDING MY TIME FOR GA TIX TO METALLICA IN SANTA CLARA, JUNE 20/22. I HAVE TO BE IN THE METALLICA PIT AT LEAST ONCE IN MY LIFE!!!(Holy shit I need a job or smth these prices :( )

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PAGE 18THE FUTURE?This project concept was a hyperfixation-fueled impulse that lowkey took over my brain like a parasite about a month ago, and now here’s a whole first issue done. But what next? Here’s some things I wanna do:

There’s a couple big shows I’m looking forward to, and I’m pretty sure it’ll be plenty to write about for a future issue. Monthly release? Every other month? We’ll have to see…If you thought this was interesting and wanna see more, let me know what could be interesting to include in the future!INTEREST CHECK!Do you want PRINTED ISSUES?
Do you want to receive updates by EMAIL?
Do you want DOWNLOADABLE POSTS?
I’m gonna put an INTEREST CHECK form on the web version of the zine, as well as in the Instagram bio link. This is to find out what forms of distribution the people want!